I've been meaning to write this post for a while, on a subject i feel very strongly towards from repeated experience throughout my life. I've been debating whether or not to even discuss the issue due to the risks of receiving hate/ it being controversial and perhaps a 'taboo' subject. I believe what i'm about to write is something i feel has gone on long enough (for myself but also for many others) and if you don't want to read on, please feel free to close the page now.
Body shaming. What is it? Body shaming is simply shaming somebody, or passing negative comments and discriminating them based on their body types/builds. This is something that many people have unfortunately been a victim of. Fat shaming and bullying people for being slightly overweight, slightly out of shape, not in proportion, perhaps too tall, too small, and in my case, too skinny.
There is a stigma around a 'skinny' build being the most desirable, media show us perfectly toned celebrities (usually false perceptions of what they actually look like, thanks photoshop), and stick thin catwalk models. People can go to extreme diet measures to achieve this 'perfect' look. Girls of all ages can hate the way they look and hate themselves by constantly being fed the ideology that 'being skinny is better'. It isn't.
There is also a stigma that skinny girls are usually the 'bitches' (Thanks Meghan Trainor) and are usually the ones to bully others on their weight shape and size, agreeably yes, this may be the case SOMETIMES but it definitely isn't right to associate us 'skinny bitches' as all the same types of people.
Every girl has the right to feel comfortable in their own skin. I'm really starting to not feel this way at all. I've never really suffered from being self conscious of the way i look but recently it's definitely something that has been playing on my mind and i am starting to become appalled by the hate 'larger' builds (not everyone, let me just point out i'm not saying all larger people are horrible) are giving towards the skinnier build.
Firstly can i just say, i think its disgusting women even for a second stop to hate on someone for the way they look, and i hope those that do feel greatly ashamed of themselves.
Ok so here's my story:
ALL MY LIFE i have been VERY small/petite/tiny/small boned whatever you want to use and also been skinny and 'weedy'(what i've been told, and now something i believe i look like). I do NOT have an eating disorder, and i never have, i do NOT diet, and never have and i do NOT frequently exercise (although i probably should i'm incredibly unfit). I have a very high metabolism, i come from a family who are ALL very small. There is nobody, even in my extended family who is particularly large. Overall my family are all short, and of petite builds. Some people say 'Oh my god you're soo lucky to be able to eat whatever you want and not gain any weight' am i?
Dating even back to primary school where people are below the age of 10 i have received comments regarding my weight. The fact i have remembered all of these perhaps shows they have affected me without me really realising at the time.
'You're anorexic', - This comment was probably my first slating comment towards the way i am, and something that was said to me during primary school and to this day. I was nicknamed 'the skeletor' at primary school, funny at the time, looking back however, perhaps this wasn't so funny? Would it be acceptable to call a larger child 'the chubster'? Most likely be classed as bullying but hey, calling someone anorexic is fine.
I think it's disgusting people actually use calling me 'anorexic' as an insult, it's a very serious illness many girls have had to suffer from , from bullying and negativity about the way they look. It's not 'only a joke' its not funny at all, its shameful and perhaps people need more of an education on what anorexia is about and how it's not ok to go around throwing this accusation to people. Imagine if i did suffer from anorexia? How would people feel then? More importantly how would that make me feel? Worse? Most likey, it's wrong on so many levels and it needs to stop. Give those that suffer a little respect.
Although you can't really see my body here, you get the idea that i wasn't a 'chubby' child. My face is fairly slim, my arms etc, what i'm getting at is i'm clearly not big, and must have been about 5 here.
Growing up was very hard. I was a late developer, all my friends got curves and boobs (i still don't really have this) and i felt like a sore thumb among my friends. Shopping was , and still is, a nightmare. I was having to shop in Next Kids or Tammy at the age of something embarrassing like 15 because nothing in the high street stores where all my friends would shop, would fit me!
As a teen this was fairly hard to deal with, i felt so unflattering and child like, and was extremely jealous of my friends being able to look more adult like.
So during secondary school (Year 7-11) i received shall i say, a fair few comments about my weight. I don't have any pictures to show of me before the age of 16 so lets just skip forwards a bit here.
The comments i received throughout this period of time were as follows:
'You're sooooooo skinny'
'Do you eat?'
'Your legs look like they will snap'
'Yeah jillian, nice face, shame about the tits' - Vile, thank you.
'If you had sex they would break you, you'd probably snap' - Extra vile, thank you again
One girl in my art class actually GRABBED MY ARM and said 'You're so skinny what's wrong with you?' - Replace the word skinny with fat and realise how awful this sounds!
'Do you have an eating disorder?'
Teachers would penalise me for wearing trousers that were tight fitting and elasticated but i honest to god could not fit in the adult sizes and the tight elastic waists was the only chance of me being able to go to school without having to attend trouser-less. I got in trouble for my P.E shorts being too short (i had the same pair from year 7 to year 11) but i couldn't fit the next size up at all! Teachers would comment on my weight here and there and i never really took it to heart but as i got older it started to take an effect.
Attending sixth form i got the same usual comments, the 'you're so skinny' the 'do you eat?' one teacher actually made me stay behind to discuss that i look 'very thin' and 'am i eating'. YES. I eat like a bloody horse and none of which is particularly healthy. This is how i am, and always have been. Please. Leave. Me. Alone.
Everywhere i have attended whether that be work, University, and work experiences, any parties where i've met new people, i get the same comments. Someone has actually dragged me over to another person to compare how skinny i am against them and stared at me in shock. Does this make me feel great? Nope.
I have tried many times to gain some weight, limit exercise, eat fatty foods, try workouts to gain muscle - It all really doesn't work and i just have to accept the fact i am skinny, clothes don't fit me, and i can't gain weight.
Here are a few photos just to clarify i've remained the same way for many years and yes this is how i naturally am:
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| Age 16 |
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| My 16th, Noticeably smaller next to the others |
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| Proof my family are all very small! (2010) |
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| My 18th |
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| First year of Uni (2013) |
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| My 21st (current age) |
So as you can see, i haven't really changed throughout the years at all. This is me and i should be happy but unfortunately from past abuse and comments and current criticism towards women of a smaller build i'm starting to feel like it's wrong to be this way.
Firstly i'd just like to point out i am not saying that ALL curvy or larger women are hateful towards those of a skinnier build, but there is a recent 'Pro plus-size' phenomenon that has sometimes come across slightly mean shall we say, towards those who are naturally skinny like myself, and feel bad for being the way we are, such as the following:
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| Good Spelling. |
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| According to who? |
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| Am i allowed to love my bones? |
I also thought it would be interesting to do a twitter search on being naturally skinny and was horrified to see the results. (Have cropped out people's account names for obvious reasons)
I think you'd all agree this is disgusting and needs to stop. Replace the word 'naturally skinny' with fat and again realise how terrible that sounds. Why is it ok for people to hate on being skinny but to call someone fat is a terrible insult and is bullying? (it IS bullying but you get my point) Why is it so shocking and controversial to 'love my bones' yes my ribs stick out, my collar bones do, my hip bones do, yes my shins are pretty sharp and i have knobbly knees, do i deserve hate for this?!
It's shameful that women hate on others for their body types, either end of the scale, and it needs to stop.
Recently i thought of designing a clothing/lingerie business for women of petite builds and through my surveys a lot of people said 'it could be a good idea but would probably generate hate' and 'why not promote all sizes?' I don't understand why a business aimed at skinnier women should be an acceptable reason for hate. I'm not saying people have to be skinny, but for those who are and struggle to gain weight, why can't we be entitled to some clothes that don't hang off of us?! Someone commented i could always get custom made. Because i'm made out of money? Why can't i have the rights to shop like every other woman? Yes i agree all sizes should be promoted, but why don't you raise this issue with all the plus size companies that ONLY cater for sizes above a 14. Why is this ok and a petite business isn't? Doing some research i found 'Curvy Kate' a company specialising in plus size bras. Their motto is 'We make curvy girls feel fabulous about their figure'. This is something i wish for all us skinny folk to feel, and that you don't HAVE to have curves or a 'booty' or big boobs or love handles, it's ok to be slim and bony if this is how you naturally are.
Gives us something to think about, body shaming can go both ways and at either end it needs to come to a stop.
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